Welcome Visitor
Today is Tuesday, March 2, 2021

Why I shouldn't judge a book by the cover

    Print

I am someone who in the past has played it safe when it comes to love. I would only date someone if I knew exactly where it was going and felt secure in the fact that the person would never leave me. I am not sure when I realized that, but once I did, I knew that in those situations I felt like I was in control (and maybe I was) but I also knew that I was not happy and not experiencing the type of love I had wanted, because that would require me to leave my comfort zone - and we all know how cozy that can be and how hard it is to want to leave.

I did leave my comfort zone after my separation two and a half years ago when I decided that I wanted to feel the "zing" I had experienced with people through my years of dating that scared me in the past. To me, a "zing" is the feeling of electricity with a person because you are sharing a great connection or feeling an instant attraction because that happens rarely. While I would find this "zing" at times, it never lasted long, and eventually it would fade or the person would disappear or ghost me as the kids would say.

I stumbled upon some small but mighty feelings of love here and there during this stint of singledom, which is the longest I have been single since I was 19 years old. One of those feelings was this guy I met on a dating app in the middle of the night. We instantly sparked and conversation was easy, he was funny and had a great smile. In the end, we spoke for a total of about three weeks and saw each other in person for 45 minutes, and when he ghosted me, it rocked my world quite a bit for someone I barely knew - who I had not even kissed.

The biggest surprise was someone who did not start out as a "zing". Strangely enough, I met this one in a local online group where I was living in Alberta at the time (also strangely enough, he was not the only one in that group that I ended up feeling some kind of way about). He was so different than me, or so I thought, and that is probably why it was the most surprising one. He was someone who lived at the gym and he was popular with the ladies, both things that I have not been a fan of in the past. So when he reached out to me, I could not help but be curious about where this was going to go. It was easy to talk to him because I did not see anything happening with him and that made it easier to be myself. He was smart and well educated and I had absolutely judged him before knowing him.

He proved me wrong in many ways, but in other ways he proved me right - like his addiction to being a ladies' man. We never moved past friendship because it was the wrong place and the wrong time, but man, did I fall hard. It was one of those sneak up on you type of loves. I found myself with feelings that I had never expected to feel and although we did kiss once, we could not be what the other needed at the time and I had to make the decision to walk away from a situation where I was feeling confused and less than. He was a great person, but also not offering what I was looking for ultimately, and unfortunately, sometimes it hurts to do what is right.

I thank him for my love of Brooklyn 99 and for being someone I felt so comfortable with that I enjoyed spending a lot of time with him just bingeing The Office and B99 because I am someone who enjoys my own company and the peacefulness that solitude brings and rarely find that with another person. I also thank him for helping me to see my own worth and for not keeping his promises, because that made it easier to see that it was not the love I was looking for.

Thanks to a client with Neil Young lyrics on his whiteboard that explain my feelings when it comes to love "It's better to burn out than it is to rust". I am no longer convinced that I am looking for a "zing" necessarily, because I have experienced a love that grew naturally that at times felt close to what I want to find one day, but hopefully it will be with someone who can and will reciprocate it.

Read more from:
Opinion
Tags: 
None
Share: 
     Print
Powered by Bondware
News Publishing Software

The browser you are using is outdated!

You may not be getting all you can out of your browsing experience
and may be open to security risks!

Consider upgrading to the latest version of your browser or choose on below: